Cooking! Who Cares?

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Cooking! Who Cares?
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Bits 'n' Pieces

I have 300 other recipes, all ready for publication...
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Just left home. Yay! and on behalf of your parents may I add, Phew!
Takeaway pizza boxes starting to mount up in the corner?
Don't care about cooking? Haven't got a clue anyway?
Come with me youngun, cobber, maaate. Trust me. I won't turn you into a Jamie, promise.

First steps first. Plate - yes I know you have plenty of them since grandma emptied her cupboard into your flat. Knife - same as above. Bread - white sliced from all night shop, fair enough. Dripping? - just kidding- Butter or margarine. Well you should have bought some while you were at the 7-11. Borrow some from next door. OK we're off and racing...

Impostor sandwich - Bread and butter.
That's it! You did it. Little ripper...feeling a little like a 4 year old again?
Now get out that frying pan. Butter bread on both sides...yah heard me - both sides - even put some salt and pepper, maybe a sprinkle of curry powder on it, then fry that bread on both sides, til you've got yourself Fried Bread Baby!
Feeling Good? Just a little greasy?
Crack an egg in a bowl. Dip 2 slices of bread in, til well coated in egg. Fry in a little butter or oil
and you've got yourself French Toast.
Do it with raisin bread and hey presto Fancy French Toast.
Other bread variations...Sauce sandwich, fairy bread and for late night - sultanas, peanut butter and jam, or peanut butter and bacon, but don't deepfry that lot, because that could end in tears.
Mini pizzas- Grill one side of 4 slices of bread, spread the uncooked side with tomato sauce, grated or sliced cheese, chopped pineapple, ham or bacon. Grill.

Ecto one Noodles
Really satisfies 1
Takes 5 mins to boil, peel, crumble and grate
Boil 1 egg for 3 mins
Cook some 2 min noodles
Drain. Put in a bowl
Peel the egg
Crumble the egg on top of the cooked noodles
Grate some cheese on top
Dig in

Chicken nugget burgers
Feeds 1
Takes 10 mins to fry and assemble
Just like in the school canteen
Cook 4 chicken nuggets
Carefully burrow a tunnel
into a long thin breadroll
Tip in some sauce and mayonnaise
Squish shut to mix a bit
Re-open. Force in some chopped lettuce
then the cooked nuggets
Walk around outside, eating, with shirt out.

Cuposoup roll
Stuff yourself
Takes 5 mins to boil and hollow
Boil the kettle and
make a packet cup of soup
Hollow out a sturdy, round breadroll
Tip the soup in and have fun
(Keep the stuffing and dry it in the oven
for breadcrumbs in Garlic balls)

Garlic balls
Feeds 4
Takes 20 mins to mix and bake
Mix 2 cups of breadcrumbs with
3 spoonfuls of grated onion
1 crushed garlic clove
2 spoonfuls of melted margarine
1 spoonful of chopped parsley
1 spoonful of chopped basil and
a shake of pepper
Bind together with a little milk
Squish into balls
Roll in more breadcrumbs
Sit on a greased oven tray
Cook in a hot oven for 10 mins.
See how I eased you from 1person to 4
didn't hurt a bit

Flakey corn
Makes a heap
Takes 20 mins to mix, cook and crush
Mix 1/2 cup of cornflour
2 spoonfuls sugar
with 1 cup of water
and 2 teaspoons of vanilla essence
Don't play around with it,
you can make your own 'mercury' later
Lightly grease an oven tray, preferably with real butter
Pour the mixture onto the tray
Bake in a hot oven 10 mins
or until golden brown
Run a rolling pin over it
to crack into flakes
Eat straight away

Stuffed pocket bread
Takes 10 mins to butter and stuff
Make a small split in a lebanese bread round
and roughly butter inside
Can make a sweet filling : jam
peanut butter and sultanas
Or, tip in some mayonnaise, then,
stuff with whatever you fancy/have at hand :
Shredded lettuce, chopped tomato, cheese,
ham, cold leftover meat
Cut in half and eat, starting with the cut edge
Stuff yourself
Don't do what you used to do with an icecream
and try to suck the filling out
through a hole in the folded edge

Feeds 4.
Takes 1 hour to fry, grate, simmer and thicken
Fry 4 handfuls of minced beef in a big saucepan
Grate in
1 onion,
1 carrot/ parsnip /zucchini
Crush in 1 clove garlic
Pour in 1 can of beer
can use flat beer, or failed home brew
but best to go with a fresh can
Sprinkle in parsley and pepper
Simmer for 15 mins. Stir a bit
Can try microwaving it all
Thicken with a little
cornflour and water, if liked
Serve on toast

Quick Pumpkin soup
Feeds 4
Takes 3/4 hour to grate, simmer and serve
Put 4 cups of water and a big spoonful of chicken stock powder
or two chicken stock cubes
or a tin of chicken soup
into a big saucepan. Bring to boil
Grate and add
2 peeled potatoes
Leave the skin on 4 big chunks of pumpkin
for something to hang on to while you grate it
Don't get bits of green skin in as they are annoying to spit out
You can try hacking the skin off the pumpkin first
but not if you value your fingers
Simmer for 20 mins or as long as you can wait
Add 1 cup of milk
Heat through and serve

Egg and lettuce soup
Feeds 4
Takes 30 mins to simmer, chop and heat
Make proper chicken stock
with 4 cups of water
4 chicken wings, 2 chopped spring onions
a knob of fresh ginger and a spoonful of soy sauce
Simmer for 20 mins
Carefully remove chicken wings
putting one in each serving bowl
Throw ginger at nearest pigeon
Bring stock to boil
Add 1 handful of corn kernels
Finely chop 2 handfuls of lettuce
Beat 1 egg
Stir lettuce into stock
Boil for 30 seconds
Briskly stir egg into soup
Pour a cup full over each chicken wing
Taunt pigeons with demise of chickens.
Slurp soup with large spoon

Tart's pasta
Feeds 4
Takes 20 mins to boil, chop, fry, stir and serve
Boil a big pot of water
Add a dash of oil, so the pasta won't stick together
Cook 2-4 cups of pasta for about 10 mins
or whatever it says on the packet
If you've cooked too much pasta
save some for Pasta Frittata
in a big saucepan
fry some chopped garlic
and a couple of anchovies in some olive oil
Stir in a tin of tomatoes
a slurp of wine
1/2 cup of sliced, black olives
and 2 spoonfuls of capers. (if you have them)
Mix the drained pasta into the sauce
Serve, in a short red skirt, topped with chopped parsley.

Pasta Frittata
Feeds 4
Takes 3/4 hour to grate, mix and bake
Grate :
1 zucchini, 1 carrot and1 onion
Crush 1 clove of garlic
Chop any cold cooked leftover meat -
chicken, ham or bacon.
Chop some parsley and chives
Mix all with 4 beaten eggs
1/2 cup of milk
1/2 cup of cheese and
1 cup of leftover cooked pasta
Bake, uncovered, in a mod oven
for 30 mins

Soft cheesy Polenta
Fills up 4
Put 1 cup of polenta/cornmeal
in a big saucepan with
2 and 1/2 cups of cold water
Stir constantly over a low heat
For 5 mins, or until smooth and thickened
Stir in 1/4 cup of parmesan cheese
and 1/2 cup of grated cheese
Serve when mixed in and hot

It's not freaken fried rice
Feeds 4
Takes 20 mins to boil, chop, stir fry and mix
Cook a packet or 2 of
plain or chicken or any flavored couscous
Chop some cabbage, spring onions
and red capsicum
Stir fry vegetables
Add some frozen corn and peas
then scrape out of wok, onto a plate
Cover with another plate to keep warm
Wipe out wok. Heat again
Stir fry 4 handfuls of chicken mince
Add cooked veges and cooked couscous
Heat through and serve

Vegetable rice blobs
Feeds 4.
Have your assistant
Grate a zucchini and a carrot into a large bowl
Decide how hungry everyone is
Are they hanging on your every action, oh master chef
or still on their computers?
Add 1 or 2 cups of cooked rice
Stir in 1 or 2 tablespoons of plain flour
Add 1 or 2 beaten eggs
and some pepper, parsley and chives
Heat some oil in a frying pan
Cook blobs of about 2 spoonfuls of mixture
Drain on paper towel
Depending on hunger level
pass to crowd immediately
or keep warm in the oven
until all cooked

Sweet Potato, Potato and onion bake
Feeds 4
Peel and chop into large cubes
1 large sweet potato
2 large potatoes
1 onion
Pat dry
Spread out on a baking tray or big casserole
Sprinkle with olive oil
and fresh sage leaves
oh alright then any old dried herbs
Bake in a hot oven for 30 mins.

Spicy cauliflower and potato
Feeds 4
Takes 1/2 hour to peel, cube, fry, simmer and thicken
Peel 2- 4 potatoes and cut into large cubes
Break a quarter - half a cauliflower into little trees
Mix into a cup about a 1 teaspoon each of :
mustard seeds
crushed garlic
chopped fresh ginger, or a little powdered ginger
tumeric powder
and cumin powder or seeds
Heat some oil in a large saucepan
stir all the spices around for a few secs
but don't burn them
smoke not good
Add the potato, stir for 2 mins
add cauliflower
then 1- 2 cups of water
Cover and simmer 15 mins or
until veges are soft
Thicken liquid with a
little cornflour mixed in cold water

Tzatziki - Yoghurt dip
Makes 2 cups
Takes 10 mins to grate, crush and mix
Best if made the night before
Peel, seed and grate (or finely chop)
1 small cucumber
Drain off excess liquid
Peel and crush 2 garlic cloves
Stir cucumber and garlic into
1 tub of plain yoghurt
Add 2 teaspoons of lemon juice
Chop 1 spoonful of fresh mint
and one of dill
Stir into yoghurt
with a shake of pepper and salt
Best made with fresh herbs, so buy some,
beg some from the old lady down the road
or grow some in a big pot

Aunty Jenny's tart
Feeds 4.
Takes 1 hour to chop, stir, melt and bake
Into a big bowl, chop :
2 tomatoes
2 rashers of bacon
and 1 onion
Stir in :
1 cup of corn
1/2 cup of grated cheese
1 and 1/2 cups of milk
4 beaten eggs
1/2 cup of SR flour
and 3 spoonfuls of melted butter
Pour into a greased pie tin
Bake in a mod oven 45 mins
NB. Your Aunty has never even pretended to be a tart.

Not effing Fish Muffins again, mum!
Feeds 4
Takes 3/4 hour to steam, mix and bake
Microwave/steam or simmer
2 fillets of fish. Take out any bones and skin
Pull apart into little bits
Mix with 1 cup of mashed potato
2 beaten eggs
1 handful of fresh, chopped dill
1 handful of chopped fresh parsley
some chopped chives
1/2 cup milk and1 cup of sifted SR flour. Stir all together
Cook in greased muffin pans in a mod hot oven for 30 mins
Serve with coffee, if you're in a really bad mood.

Feeds 4.
Takes 1 and 1/2 hours to absorb, beat, fry, mix and bake
Have your assistant cover 4-6 slices of bread
on a deep plate/tray with milk
When the milk has absorbed, mush up
and beat in 2 eggs
as well as 4 handfuls of minced lamb
and some crushed cashews or pine nuts or pistachio nuts
That should keep your assistant entertained
but warn them you counted all the nuts
Heat some oil and cook 1 sliced onion
Add 1 big spoonful of curry powder
1/2 teaspoon salt, 1 teaspoon sugar
and 2 squeezes of lemon juice
Stir well. Cool a bit
Mix into bread and mince mixture
Tip that lot into a big casserole
Bake in a mod oven for 1 hour

Nearly Chilli con carne
Feeds 4
Takes 1 and 1/4 hours to chop, fry, open cans and simmer
Chop 1 onion, 2 garlic cloves
a quarter of a chopped red or green capsicum
2-4 mushrooms
Fry all in a big saucepan with a little oil
Add 4 handfuls of minced beef
Stir about for 5 mins
Add 1 can of tomatoes
1 can of red kidney beans
or a tin of corn & bean mix
and a slurp of sweet chilli sauce
Cover and simmer 1 hour
Thicken, if liked, with
a little cornflour and water

Spicy lamb chops
Feeds 4.
Takes 4-24 hours to mix, marinade and bake
Good to make up the night before
Trim the fat off 8 BBQ lamb chops
Mix together 1 spoonful each of :
mixed spice
dry mustard and
curry powder
Add 1/2 spoonful of ginger
2 spoonfuls of brown sugar and
2 spoonfuls of plain flour
Stir well, then add :
1/2 cup of tomato sauce
1/2 cup of water and
2 spoonfuls of vinegar
Put chops and marinade
in a large casserole
Can cook straight away, but
let sit in the fridge for a few hours
or overnight if possible
Cook in a mod - slow oven
for 2 hours

Chicken balls
Feeds 4
First, catch several chickens and de-ba...
no, no that's wrong..
Takes 1/2 hour to beat, mix, roll and simmer
Mix 4 handfuls of chicken mince with
1 beaten egg
4 spoonfuls of breadcrumbs and
4 spoonfuls of cream
Roll into small balls
Sit in the fridge, while heating
1 tin of chicken soup
mixed with 1/2 tin of water
Get your balls out of the fridge.
Simmer in the soup for 15 mins
Serve in a bowl with a spoon

Chocy Icecream
Feeds 1 sincere icecream eater
or 6 willing to barter
Takes 12 hours to grate, beat, heat, mix, freeze, whisk and freeze
Grate a block of dark cooking chocolate, or your favorite chocy bar
Put 8 egg yolks in a big bowl
(keep the egg whites aside for pavlova/meringue/omelettes)
Beat the bejeebers out of the yolks until, thick and pale
Put 1/2 cup of Milo or sifted chocy powder in a large saucepan
Stir in 3 cups of milk and 1 cup of cream
Heat slowly, stirring constantly until almost boiling
Stir in the grated chocolate
Whisk the hot milk mixture into the egg mixture
Pour into a clean ice cream tub
Freeze for 1/2 hour or until it starts to freeze
Beat again. Freeze. Beat again. Freeze. Beat again
Then let it freeze all night
Keep tabs on the ice cream sneaker

Breadcrumb biscuits
Makes 20
Takes 1/2 hour to beat, mix, roll and bake
Beat 4 spoonfuls of margarine
4 spoonfuls of sugar
and 1 spoonful of Golden Syrup or Maple syrup or honey
Mix in 4 spoonfuls of dry, fine breadcrumbs
4 spoonfuls of SR flour
1 spoonful coconut
and 1 spoonful of grated fresh ginger
Mix in a little milk
to make a firm dough
Roll into little balls
Flatten on a greased oven tray
Bake for 15 mins in a mod oven

Fruit loaf pies
Feeds 4
Lightly butter both sides of 8 slices
of fruit loaf / raisin bread
Use a large glass, mug or egg ring
to cut each slice into a circle
that will fit into your individual pie tins,
muffin pans or ramekins...
could even use heatproof tea cups
After squishing each round into order
so they resemble pastry cases
fill with whatever sweet stuff you have at hand :
eg Mix :
1 spoonful of jam
1 spoonful of sultanas
1 spoonful of coconut
and 4 chopped peaches.
Bake for 10 mins in a mod hot oven
Will make 8 open pies
or 4 with lids

Evon's Debbie pudding
Feeds 6
Takes 3/4 hour to beat, mix and bake
Cream 1 big spoonful of butter
with 1/2 cup of caster sugar
Beat in 1 egg
Fold in 1 cup of sifted SR flour
and 1 big spoonful of cocoa powder
Stir in 1/2 cup of milk
Pour into a greased cake tin
Mix 1/2 a cup of sugar with
1 spoonful of cocoa, then
sprinkle this over the cake mixture
Carefully pour 1 and 1/2 cups of hot water
over all
Bake in a mod hot oven for 30 mins
Can try microwaving it, but not as gluggy if cooked in oven
A smooth chocy sauce
will magically form on the bottom
of the cake
Serve with cream or icecream

Juniris' Pate
Feeds 4
Takes 1 hour to chop, cook, mince and clean up
If you don't have a mincer/bamix
then finely chop everything
Chop 300gms of frozen chicken livers
while still frozen as it makes the job a bit easier
Discard any extremely gross bits
by flicking them in the sink
to see how long they will stick to the side
Crush 2 cloves of garlic
Chop 1 onion and
4 handfuls of fresh parsley
Revive person who has innocently
come for a glass of water
Melt 4 spoonfuls of margarine in a large frying pan
Tip everything in and mix around
Add 1 spoonful each of :
dried thyme, sage and rosemary
or big handfuls of fresh herbs
to disguise the taste of the livers
Sing the song about parsley, sage and whatever
Slurp in 2 spoonfuls of sherry
and a bay leaf or two
Cook about 10 mins or
until all pink has gone from the livers
Remove bay leaves
Pulverise with a wooden spoon
or put through a mincer or bamix
Put into ramekins/bowls
and cover with silver foil
Store in fridge
Eat on toast within a week

I have 300 other recipes, all ready for publication...
If you support the idea of maintaining young adult's health as they study,
your Government Agency, Business, Supermarket or Television Show, may wish to advertise on this page
and I will upload all 300 recipes
email me at

Juniris Harrop
Ballarat is the best place to live!